It's 2019

It's 2019 and I lay here

Looking for my dots to connect into lines but

I'm lost,

I'm lost

It was June 2018 when he forced me beneath his bed

And I had to taste his dust bunnies,

And take it like a slut

It was December 2015 when my dad left me for a broken down RV

With no water,

Or family,

He’s done with the drugs right?

I CAN TRUST HIM, RIGHT??

It was 2014 when I cut my wrist for the first time

And I felt this adrenaline chemical mix inside my chest

Just stirring like Kool-Aid and sugar

In the pitcher,

And the ladle is drowning

It was 2010 when I got my first best friend and

She was a stuffed bear,

A polar bear with a square brown nose and curls in her fur,

But one night at the festival of lights

I lost her on the street,

My ma tried to replace her to make me feel better but

You can’t replace her with what isn't her

It was February 2001 when my dad would rather watch Dale Earnhardt die

Then take my laboring mother to the hospital,

And I was arriving

It's 2019 and as much as I want to say

“it will be 2020”

Sometimes it gets too hard to see those two digits

Double in size

And me turn 19 in the same tone,

But fuck it

It's 2019,

I'm 18 years old,

Life is bold, but

I'm bolder;

And I will bloody my knuckles down

into muscle tissue and bone if I have to

To survive

And win back my smile

Without my teeth snapping like Kit-Kats,

And win back my radiance

Without hair clippers and razor blades,

And win back my body

Without bruised hand prints and stomach aches

No more Arial font,

Time for some impact

It's 2019,

My dots are blurred on my ceiling and that's okay,

Because even if I’m lost,

It doesn’t mean I'm gone

this was automatically tagged #beauty, how sweet<3