Self-Pity Leads to Self Damage: An Opinion Article

“It felt like the world began to crumble. Everything was going wrong, no matter how I tried to fix it. Beating myself down to the ground with fistfuls of insults felt like the punishment I deserve for doing the wrong thing.” Does this sound familiar? Well, this is what some individuals experience in response to very stressful or even traumatic events. These feelings are self-pity which is, according to Oxford Languages, “Excessive, self-absorbed unhappiness over one’s own troubles.” As this mindset became a topic of research, many people have developed a strong opinion stating that self-pity leads to self damage. There are always two sides to a story, but when mental health deteriorates and relationships struggle to continue, there is a problem craving a solution.

When self-pity is introduced, the brain will spin with these negative thoughts, and once it is allowed to take over a person’s mind their mental health will begin to decline. The National Center for Biotechnology Information, or NCBI, conducted two studies on university students to learn more about self-pity and its effects on a person’s mental state. On the report of NCBI, “With respect to personality, results showed strong associations of self-pity with neuroticism, particularly with the depression facet. With respect to control beliefs, individuals high in self-pity showed generalized externality beliefs, seeing themselves as controlled by both chance and powerful others. With respect to anger expression, self-pity was primarily related to anger-in. Strong connections with anger rumination were also found.” The results of these studies show that anxiety, anger, emotional instability, self-consciousness, and depression were overwhelmingly present, especially with depression. Alongside newfound traits in personality, results showed these students expressed feelings of losing control, and felt over powered by others and by their luck. Beliefs such as that are unrealistic and destructive to oneself. The professionals conducting the studies kept the personalities of the students in mind, as well as their control beliefs and anger expression. The mental health of those studied deteriorated and blinded them to the facts of reality, which is that people are not more powerful than other people and luck is not an out of control presence to harm human beings.

Not only does self-pity cause destruction to a person's mind, it also destroys relationships. According to Better Help, a mental health platform offering online therapy services, “Some people seem to feel relentlessly sorry for themselves, no matter what good things happen in their lives. Even when the things that upset them seem extremely petty, some intensely pessimistic people can give the impression that they almost enjoy complaining about everything and this can make it very difficult to interact with them.” Furthermore,”...let’s imagine a hypothetical scenario involving the emotional experiences of two different people.

For example, let’s imagine a woman named Sue who experiences a traumatic upheaval in her personal life, such as a divorce. Sue feels deeply hurt and angry about the divorce but she never attempts to seek therapy, work through her feelings, or make any improvements in her life. Instead, she spends the next 20 years feeling angry about the way her life turned out and taking that anger out on everyone and anything. As a result, nothing ever brings her lasting joy or peace, and she struggles to connect with others who are put off by her bitterness and constant complaints.” As Better Help explained, those who struggle with self-pity often turn to others for support, but it turns into a toxic cycle of constant self criticism and tunnel vision on the negative aspects of life. This is dangerous in close bond relationships, as it can tear those in the relationship apart and they will see each other as a painful memory; or, in worst case scenarios, one could harm the other mentally, emotionally, or even physically.

In conclusion, self-pity is a destructive mindset that causes damage to oneself. Although it is healthy to experience a small amount of self-pitying emotions because they help humans to learn and grow emotionally, there is a thin line where someone can slip and fall into excessive self sorrow. Self-pity leads to self damage because it causes the mind to tumble into depression and it sets up relationships for failure. If you or someone you know are struggling with anything written in this article, there is always help available. Do not waste energy and time on self-pity, otherwise how else is someone to grow into the best person they can possibly be?